Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Movie Review: King Kong

First off, a Merry Christmas to all of you, and congrats on making it to the end of the semester. It was hard work, and we deserve this break. And for all the Jews I offended in the first sentence, I will offend you even further: If Catholics invented an eight-day long holiday celebrating the Crusades around Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashanah, do you think people would be so damn polite as we're supposed to be towards you and your little celebration of an embellished period of religion-induced violence that just happens to fall during our high holy days? I didn't think so. And besides, eight out of ten American Jews celebrate Christmas anyway, so why don't we just drink our egg nog and you eat your coconut macaroons in the spirit of peace and harmony. Oy friggin' vey...

But I digress. Before I review King Kong, a couple of announcements, one having to do with school, another with this site. First, HW: Bio reading on classification (I think), and that might be it. Second, for all fans of Penny Arcade or Ctrl-Alt-Del.com, IBSMART will be producing its own comic strip starting next month. Think Family Guy, only nerdier and possibly more obscene (if either are even possible).

And now for King Kong. Your admin team (sans cp geek, who was in the Gainesville area visiting what Puppeteer calls his "pity school") watched King Kong, Peter Jackson's remake of Peter Jackson's favorite movie of all time. This film has been as highly touted as Brokeback Mountain, Munich, The Producers, and other films this winter. Indeed, we were truly expecting a film that would rival Jackson's excellent Lord of the Rings films, as some critics claim it is.

From those expectations, we were dissappointed. But that does not mean in any sense that King Kong is a bad movie, or even not worth watching. Watching King Kong was like watching The Passion of the Christ, in the sense that you knew that Peter Jackson was putting his heart and soul into every single frame of the film. In this day and age of cookie-cutter shlockfests where good directors have phoned it in on many movies, this is a great thing to see. But the trouble here comes with Peter Jackson's need for more and more frames to put his heart and soul into.

Let's give some perspective here: The original 1933 film was about 90 minutes long. This remake is about three hours and ten minutes, DOUBLE the length of the original. He has taken a one-dimensional romance/adventure story and turned it into a gigantic, hypercomplex character study, spending most of the "study time" looking at a CGI monkey and Naomi Watts (who, in a completely unrelated development, is ridiculously hot). I could understand a two-hour movie. Hell, I would sit through a two and half hour movie. But to get to hour three and watch Kong go ICE SKATING!!! We almost walked out of the theatre when that little scene came up. And since we're giving spoilers here, Kong dies. WHAAAA????!!!

So basically, way too long, and way too sappy. The animation in this movie is nothing short of unbelievable, and in case I didn't mention, Naomi Watts is really, REALLY hot. But King Kong, in the end, suffers from too much heart and soul when so much is completely unnecessary.

If you have no attention span, or have much better things to do (like we did), I do not recommend King Kong. It's a good movie, just not worth three hours of your Christmas season. Besides, the women are more useful this time of year at the mall than the movie theatre. Chauvinism never gets old!!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Being the only jew in IB that reads this blog, a quasi one at that, I did find your self-righteousness more arrogant that offensive. I am not offended by "Merry Christmas" so long as its intentions are pure. But it's not jews that are offended, its politically correct marketers who try to use the most neutral phrases possible. So rather than being ego-centric, why don't we all just not give a fuck because from what I understand, Jesus wasn't even born in December and its a mockery of a holiday as well.

Anonymous said...

The other Jew in IB who reads this agrees. It doesn't offend me when people say "Merry Christmas", it offends me when people say "Merry Christma.. wait, I don't want to offend you, sorry." If you are going to wish someone a happy holiday, just do it, don't pause and think if you will offend them. It is often the though behind the greeting that counts, not what you are saying.

Matt M. said...

Yes, Jesus was probably not born in December. And yes, Western society has made Christmas into an excuse to waste money and stuff disgusting concepts like vanity and selfishness into the minds of children. As a Catholic, I tend to enjoy the Easter season more than Christmas, as those are the true high holy days of Christianity, in both my opinion and in the opinions of my Church leaders.

At any rate, my tirade was simply a bit of my tongue-in-cheek literary alter-ego, meant for humor rather than to spark any type of debate. While I do believe that there are forces of secularity that seek to undermine my country's religious roots and persecute Christians, I do not believe this threat to be as strong as some would like us to believe coughFoxNewscough. Faith gets us through any trial, and satire simply adds necessary insult to those who bring us injury.

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